So many problems... Kerli

[Kerli Bakko]

Dear diary/Journal/ whatever the Hello you want to be called,
I’ve never been the person to put my feelings down where they might be found, my feelings are private and the world doesn’t need to be able to find them… But a lot of shiz has gone down and I need to get everything down or out there, and I hate making people worry about me so here goes,
I guess I don’t know where to start so I’ll start with the things that seem like easier problems but hurt more, My best friend and closest family member, My grandfather, Is dying he has cancer and while they were looking for that cancer, doing the biopsy, they cut his artery and he won’t stop bleeding, there’s nothing I can do about it but it hurts you know?
I am also trying to figure out my feelings, I have Jayden... But I’m still scared I think I imprinted on him, but I can’t know for sure, cuz well I also thought I had imprinted on Lance and Zack, but I don’t know things are crazy, I still love Lance and I don’t know what would happen if suddenly he was back in my life… But he was always gone when we were together…. I still don’t want to hurt him… he was still special to me, even if I didn’t imprint on him. Also on my list of guys is Nate, god I love that kid, I think I hurt him bad… I wanted to be with him so bad… But he’s gonna find someone better than me, and hopefully he doesn’t hate me too bad, maybe some day I’ll be able to actually be able to talk to him without being guilty and hurt, I wonder how he feels when he looks at me… So now I ask,
What do I do?
Who do I talk to?
Should I be scared?
Cuz I am, I’m so lost and scared it’s not even funny, I want to move away and forget all of this, maybe even lose my wolf gene and have a family… That another thing, I can’t have a baby, god I want one, Lana tells me I’m too young… I’m 17 and I want a baby… I guess its just cuz every human I know is getting pregnant and then a bunch of the wolves I know are upset about it also, Cat left cuz of it. I guess it’s just a teenage girl thing.
The last thing on my mind, is school, what am I going to do about collage when I graduate? WHAT IF I DON’T GRADUATE?? 0.0 I think I need an advil now my head hurts.

Love,
Kerli-fry

[Kerli Bakko]

Dear Notebook,

So I’ve told you all my problems but I haven’t told you my story, so here goes.


I was born August 10th 1993, my mother, Roxanne was 18 when she had me, and my father had run out on us far before then. Her mother had left when she was 13. She had been a druggy and a prostitute, though she had always been a good mother, and made sure I was never around for those things. When she left she left me the house, and I called my grandfather daily, but he was to sick to care for me so I stayed where I was already in school and okay.


I met my first boyfriend when I was 14 he was my best friend and I loved him, we were together a year, before he talked me into having sex with him. I was 14 I didn’t know any better, before I knew it was 15 and 8 months pregnant, the guy had left me, and I had run away from town, when I found out, I ended up in Kansas in a teen home, I met Zephod, who took care of me and kept me safe, while I was pregnant. I had the baby, and gave her up for adoption. I was 15 and couldn’t take care of her. I waited till I was 17 to come back, I never told anyone besides Zephod what had happened and I had never planned too. I had started phasing and was about to finish off high school, I’d had many false imprints and a lot of friends I didn’t trust. But the other day I spilled. I told Jamie, I hadn’t ment to… It just kinda bubbled over… I felt bad, I’ve imprinted on Jayden, and well it was hard but I told him… I should have found a better way… but I told him… And he left me… I don’t know what to do I feel so lost without him, but I should have told him sooner. I’ll never get over him, I can tell you that now, but I’m never going to tell a lie and he needed to know that.

Love,
Kerli

P.s. I’ll keep you updated on Jayden cuz I can’t stop crying and need to write about it.