Laurens Journal [Open]

[Lauren Mallory]

The past few days have been filled with excitement. I don't even know where to begin to be honest. I have succeeded in all that I've set out to do....

About Rea, I have won. I have officially ruined her hopes of gaining Brendan again. She believed me when I told her that Brendan walked me home and came inside my house! I had told her we shared a soda. That we spoke endlessly for the minutes shared. It was crazy that Rea had believed in all this. I decided to take it a step further by saying as I walked Brendan outside when he was leaving that the boy kissed me. I could swear I seen the pain in Reas eyes. But to be honest, why do I care if she is hurt. It isn't about her or Brendan. It never is. Its about my amusement. Me feeling good. Another notch of power has been given to me. My life is how I want it. Being popular and pretty, everyone else is beneath me. As it should be.

Then theres that guy I met last night. Ezio. He was so charming. Handsome on his own right. His gloved hand taking mine. A kiss given with introductions. I almost passed out right then. I died and went to heaven. I didn't tell the guy right then, but he had my heart skipping a beat. I hope I can see him again. I wish Edward would see me with this new guy. I would love to see the look.

For so long I dreamed of being with Edward Cullen. The boy in school that is off limits. Never did he look at any of the girls. Why did I have such a crush on him? Now he seems to have Bella.

If only I could destroy Bella and Edward as I have Rea and Brendan. Talk about pure bliss right then! I wonder what will come my way tonight? Pain and pleasure? Jealousy? Rage?

Will I see this Ezio again? I hope so!

[Lauren Mallory]

There are so many things I want to write about tonight. So many secrets I hold that it would take me a lifetime of writing to achieve one small chapter of. Ill begin with the easy things first. I eventually winded up appologizing to Rea about all the hurtful mean things I said to her involving Brendan. I am not sure if she believe me, but I could see the smallest of flickers in her eyes that she had. It felt good to appologise. I am not good at that kind of stuff. Never have been and most likely never will.

Adeon tricked me the other night. Took me into his arms in the pantry and fell against it so that itd open. What an awful trick it was. His girlfriend was standing on the other side. Me and her got into it. She hurt me. Kicked me in my stomach several times, hit me in the chin? All for what? Lies. Im glad I don't lie...often. * If only that was true as I write this. Maybe I will never learn and get all that I deserve?* She had so much rage in her eyes, as I pushed up from the floor, I remember thinking this woman wanted to kill me. Funny how that seems to my lifes motto lately...

There other small squabbles throught the past few days, all of my doing of course. I am having a serious melt down. What happened earlier was the final push I needed. I seen Syn again at the local hangout. He wished to talk to me. I should of known it wasn't all nice as that italian made it seem. He got me out into the woods. Pinned me against a tree and hurt me. He ripped my clothing off, scratched me. He raped me. His words were so scary they will forever be in my mind. He said he was as old as my great great great grandpa.. Can that be so? He was going to kill me. Drain me of my blood. Only this thing happens in fantasy books right?

I would of been more of a firm believer on that last above statement if I didnt really think his words held truth to them. I seen the black glint to his eyes. I heard his happiness of what he was doing to me. I felt his threats. The mans skin.. it was as if I was pressed against a man in a refrigerator. Every ounce of my being was chilled.

If it wasn't for Cadelina and Alana I'd still be in the woods. A broken child, crying and hurt. I owe these two my life. I will go to sleep thanking them in my most silent of dreams. Whats even funnier? I seen Ocean after. She was not mean to me. She talked to me. She had given me a glass of water, was that a look of sorrow I seen in her eyes for me? Im broken. Battered. Hurting.. I got so much to think about... and what has me running for a place to hide now? I can't even go to John Sheppard about this. He is in on this sick joke of Syns. I am confused. I don't know what to do.. I will cry in my dreams for help. Help that I will never recieve.

[Lauren Mallory]

You, the Dark


Dark, She is the mind of yours.
Icy chill of thought becomes
A steely shimmer.
Behold a glimmer in the black -
A flash of grey, that even glows
In show against the hallowed dark of you.

And that is why you scream in jarring tones
'I have no heart for joy!
My white and brittle bones have died'
You cried in dark and fractured moans.

So now the Queen of Black you writhe,
Whence from dark of shade
That honed an evil form afar;
In curse of me you bade:

'I, the wave shall rape the shore!
Violence will there be in glares I'll throw
At all who prey, and more:
A dark and fetid sea I'll bleed.'

And now, the bitter tinge
And bleak of waste
That eyed the death of once your soul
Will here forever be!

Indeed you tell:
'The cramping pain is here!
Eternal spasm, infinite chasm,
The Devil's chaplain plays!
We'll climax in a tortured glee
As all my love decays.'