[M:0]
Post by Reagan Harper on Jun 18, 2010 22:28:17 GMT -4
Message Mailed to recipient <Alana Merez>
EMAIL 1
Hey Alana
Alana,
I don't know where to start. It feels like I haven't seen or spoken to you in ages, but don't worry, I've been dodging everyone like bullets these days. I miss you and your gentle nature. The way you reassure everything's going to be okay... which is part of the reason I've decided to write you. Emily and I have our one-on-one's, but I figured a pen pal would help me out too. I usually express myself better on paper (or wordpad in this case) than speaking aloud anyway. I hate to be the friend who sends you bothersome emails while I just complain, but that's what I need right now, Alana. Someone to listen to me and try to understand where I'm coming from with my experiences. Someone to hear my side of the stories. I could make a list as to why I couldn't write someone like Sage or Nate, but it would all just lead to the conclusion that I think you're the one friend who can probably understand where I'm coming from the most, without judgment and with the knowledge of the pack. I hope that through these emails you don't think less of me or of anyone else. That isn't my goal. I'm writing to express myself freely and get a honest opinion. I promise.
-REA
[/color]I don't know where to start. It feels like I haven't seen or spoken to you in ages, but don't worry, I've been dodging everyone like bullets these days. I miss you and your gentle nature. The way you reassure everything's going to be okay... which is part of the reason I've decided to write you. Emily and I have our one-on-one's, but I figured a pen pal would help me out too. I usually express myself better on paper (or wordpad in this case) than speaking aloud anyway. I hate to be the friend who sends you bothersome emails while I just complain, but that's what I need right now, Alana. Someone to listen to me and try to understand where I'm coming from with my experiences. Someone to hear my side of the stories. I could make a list as to why I couldn't write someone like Sage or Nate, but it would all just lead to the conclusion that I think you're the one friend who can probably understand where I'm coming from the most, without judgment and with the knowledge of the pack. I hope that through these emails you don't think less of me or of anyone else. That isn't my goal. I'm writing to express myself freely and get a honest opinion. I promise.
-REA
EMAIL 2
Alana,
I skipped patrol yet again today. That makes the seventh time this week. Sam has been nice with the free bees and sick excuses because of where I stand with Emily, but he's starting to get fed up. I don't blame him, and I wish I could do what Paul said and "suck it up". They listen to Leah complain all the time, so why not me too? Jared had the audacity to call me "bitter harpy #2" the other day at First Beach but Leah scoffed and said she was an original and there could only be one bitter harpy. I left soon after that, especially after Quil decided to tell me he saw Iz and Jake hanging at Iz's alone, just watching movies. ... I wonder how something as small as that still can seem to hurt me. It hurts to see Jake with other girls period, but to see him with Izzy... it hurts so bad. Who am I to claim these feelings for him when Jake and Iz had something special, but Jake and I never did? How can I love my best friend but then hate the fact that she's so happy when she's with Jake, Alana? What kind of sick person am I? It's not fair to Izzy, because she never knew how I felt about him (until recently, that is). I'm not sure how I hid it so well from everyone, especially her, and for so long..... I still remember the valentine's date she went on with Jake two years ago. How I helped her get ready, how absolutely beautiful she looked, and how radiant Jake looked when he picked her up. I remember waving goodbye to them, this big grin on my face as I held back the urge to cry right there at the door. Izzy is gorgeous and I've always envied her outgoingness and warm personality, but right then, I remember how badly I wanted to be her. To be the girl Jake thought was gorgeous, instead of the girl who made her look extra pretty that night. Alana, I hate that I still feel the same way now as I did back then, maybe even stronger. I have a sweet guy who's interested in me and all I can think about is being that girl Jake thinks is extra special. What is a girl to do? lol. I can't stand the thought of losing someone as good as Izzy as a best friend, but I cant bear the thought that her and Jake still might have feelings for each other, after all this time...
I love you Alana, and thanks to listening to me ramble. I'll write soon.
-REA
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[M:872]
Love doesn't change or fade Rea. Though sometimes it may not be the right person we love, or maybe it's confused with something else. Rea there's no need to take so much blame on yourself, you're certainly not sick. Everyone has a reason for feeling the things they do, and you're no different. There's nothing wrong with wanting something we all want, however much some may deny it. To love and be loved. But then there's that same want to be able to choose who we love, and who loved us. Life isn't like that Rea, and I think you're learning that. It's how we deal with things that really matter. Always be prepared for curve balls and the speed at which they come.
. How are you doing? I'm doing alright, I guess. Thank you so much for your kind words and reassurances. I needed those. I'm here for you too Alana, and feel free to complain about your personal life as well. I'm relieved you're not angry with me. I know I shouldn't love Jake because of everything with Bella and Izzy, but Alana, is that the only reason why I shouldn't love him? No doubt those reasons are huge, but I can't help but have my hopes set up on that 'maybe one day...' scenario. You say I should use my voice, but what should I say? Do I do what's right, because doing what I'm feeling is only hurting me right now. And not to mention, I'm afraid to talk to them both. I can't believe I feel that way about my two best friends, but I do. I'm afraid because I don't want to see just how much pain I'm inflicting on Izzy and I'm afraid of rejection for Jacob. Plus, he doesn't need a 'third' girl to his list. I'm supposed to be the one to help him through this, but here I am adding to his problem. How does that make me the sweet, strong person you say I am? That's you Alana, and not me. 
Life's curves ball are socking me in the stomach right now, and I'm not sure how much more of it I can handle...
), but here I am loving the kid who use to make fun of my chunky legs when I was a kid. 
Stupid Black, I'm surprised you haven't fallen for his trap as well.
). You should consider it as a job when you're older