The things we feel ((Ethan))

[Sarah Falls]

The aftermath. Sometimes it sucked more than current issues which at the time seem like the worst thing that can happen. Or maybe not the worst, but an unexpected situation... if that made any sense. But dealing with life after life changing events could be the hardest thing. Sarah wasn't dumb, she considered herself pretty lucky. Technically she'd literally found her soulmate, and though she'd never really believed in such a thing it was... nice. Almost a relief. The whole imprinting thing limited heartache from relationships gone bad, and helped her avoid having to go through the trouble of dealing with bad guys to find a decent one that met at least some of her expectations. Ethan was... so much more than she'd have ever dared to hope for. At the time before everything had been so badly shaken she would still pinch herself to make sure she was awake. He was a dream... still was. She just didn't really know what to feel... how to deal. When her time of being strong for both of their sakes had passed, she was left just confused. That was the only way to sum up how she felt since she couldn't pin point an emotion.

But life went on as it always did. School didn't slow down, and the piles of homework. She couldn't afford to slip ever. Not even in the safety of her own home could she let her guard down, until she was behind the door of her room. But even then she was afraid to truly let go in case it became impossible to pick herself back up. It was exhausting. Sarah had withdrew into herself even more than usual which was saying something. She hardly said a word to anyone, throwing herself into dancing and the fictional world of books. It was her only outlet. Her parents probably wondered what was wrong if they noticed outside of their busy lives, the changes that had occurred in their daughter. But Sarah was glad they hadn't actually asked anything, because she wouldn't have an answer. Not one she could give. It wasn't like she could say "Oh nothing it's just my boyfriends a wolf, he imprinted on me oh and did you know there's real vampires out there?" That would only end up in a quick trip to the doctors or worse.

To top it off Sarah hadn't even talked to Ethan, or been around him for a few weeks. She felt guilty constantly, it didn't help with the constant nagging in her chest that seemed to be pulled with an invisible hand. Some days it was so bad Sarah was left breathless, but she couldn't give in. It wasn't that she hated Ethan. She just needed time alone to figure things out. It wouldn't have been fair to press her problems on him when she wasn't even sure of anything at the moment. Why worry him?

Feeling particularly claustrophobic in her bedroom where she'd been trying to do homework for the past hour- more like staring listlessly, Sarah finally abandoned it, nearly running out the house. She felt like she couldn't breath, but it was more than just being inside. It was everything. Walking mindlessly it wasn't until she reached the edge of the forest that she stopped and thought about her decisions. She'd never abandoned homework before. She was already changing and she wasn't sure if it was for the better.

Looking up from staring at the blades of grass beneath her feet, Sarah's heart nearly stopped in reconization. Unwanted memories flashing in front of her vision, as her palms grew sweaty. Visions of red eyes... pale skin. This was the same forest that woman had found her. Looking around wildly half fearing she'd somehow find her again, Sarah didn't even stop to think Ethan had already destroyed her. She'd been right there as he ripped her apart. But it didn't matter. Her feet had already chosen to take another route before her mind had even caught up, walking swiftly from the road unto a familiar path.

Before long the library had come into view, and Sarah could finally breath. The building was like her safety zone, the solitude and comfortingly familiarity it offered appealing. Pushing open the doors Sarah went towards a table in the back, more out of habit than preference.

[Ethan Shepard]

There was silence. Absolute silent as Ethan sat quietly outside Sarah's house in the bushes. He wore his usual shorts that he had hidden in the woods for when he needed to shift. He hadn't been able to leave her alone much since she had first encountered the vampire. Sure, it was over and done with long ago, but he knew she was still feeling the pain. The fear. None of that was going to leave for a while and he could tell by how she was reacting to everything. He hadn't even seen the girl in weeks. Sure, they were...together...but with everything that was still going on for her like school and such, it was getting harder and harder for her to see him. Part of him couldn't help but wonder though, did she really want him around anyways?

He swallowed hard when he saw her rush outside and he ducked down, keeping his head low to ensure she wouldn't spot him. He watched her enter the forest, in a hurry as if she couldn't breath. The sight of her set his heart on fire. He wanted to jump out and embrace her but that would be awkward. To be honest, having not really spoken to her has hurt him more than anything, and the thought of her feelings having changed killed him. He knew she would keep a friendship at least, but even that would change so many things. He felt his body shudder from the cool air and he reached down carefully, pulling on his shirt. He waited until she had managed to get a ways ahead of him before carefully following in suit.

Each step he took, he paid attention to. He made sure to keep each one light and quiet so not to cause her scare. When she stopped, he stopped. He stepped as she stepped. It was easier to remain quiet. He followed her up to the tree line leading to the road before realizing where she was headed. The Library. Their meeting place. He paused and watched her cross over to the building before sighing. He knew he couldn't go in looking the way he did. He hurried off into the forest, finding his other clothing stash and dressed in that, it being much more convenient and comfortable that the one before. He made he way back to the road and took a deep breath before heading in. He knew where she would be. This was Sarah, and as much as she had 'changed', he still knew her all too well.

He entered the library quietly, eyes scanning the room before making his way through the shelves, keeping a low profile. He peeked around the corner as he neared the end and saw her sitting at the back table. He looked to the floor, rethinking all of this before deciding it was time to figure out what was going on. He shoved his hands in his pockets before pushing forward to the table. "Hey..." he said softly, keeping a straight face but he couldn't hide the slight confusion and hurt that was in his eyes as he looked to her, as if asking for answers.

[Sarah Falls]

Her head throbbed dully. The beginning of what was bound to be a heck of a migraine just barely making it's presence known. Even in her element surrounded by endless books she could escape into for a moment, Sarah couldn't bring herself to pick up a single one. If anything she'd come to the library to feel some sort of safety... it was a world she knew best. To try and fool herself into thinking she could concentrate enough to read would've been laughable. Her thoughts were still troubled, a jumbled mess. She could imagine then as piles upon piles of mixed piles, that she leafed through painstakingly slow, just trying to get them back in order.

Sitting with her elbows propped up on the table, her head resting in her hands, Sarah paid no mind to her hair falling around her hands like curtains. The thick curls her usual defense against the world, blocking everything else out. It was a habit... a silly one at that. Because frankly there was nothing to escape from except the storm that raged within her heart; And hiding from herself was a futile effort. What use would there be in trying, hiding herself in the worlds of books that would only be temporary? As lost in her thoughts as she was, Sarah didn't even look up as the door to the library opened, though she heard the light creaking of a door in the silence of the library.

If she had been more alert Sarah wasn't sure how she would've reacted, as she looked up hearing a familiar tone. She would know that voice anywhere, be able to pin point it in a crowd of people; Ethan. She couldn't ignore the way her heart seemed to triple it's speed, the pull in her chest soothed to the point where she was dizzy with relief. Her palms grew sweaty, a blush spreading across her cheeks as she sat caught within the green orbs of Ethan's eyes. It would've been amazing, how seeing him now was like her meeting him for the first time all over again; if not for the angst she saw in his eyes. And Sarah knew it was her fault.

Guilt weighed heavily in her stomach, doubled it's weight even though Ethan hadn't even said anything. Spoken one syllable. But his eyes did all the talking. Sarah could feel the guilt eating away at her mind of shutting him out along with everyone else. He wasn't the problem really. It was everything else. Unsure for a moment how to respond, torn apart by conflicting feelings, Sarah finally cleared her throat delicately. "Hey," Quiet she pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, worrying the edges with her teeth. Apologies rested on the tip of her tongue, ready to fly out any second. Apologies for not confiding in her, and hurting him anyway even though her intentions had been to keep him from hurting. God, she could read him like a book... and he would surely read her like he always did.

Swallowing thickly she sat up straighter, forcing herself to look away. "Y-you can sit. If you want..." Wincing at her statement, Sarah couldn't help feeling like this was bound to end bad. Maybe he'd come here to accuse her, demand why she was avoiding her. Technically he deserved an answer, but it wasn't him she was specifically avoiding. It was everyone. Because her thoughts were jumbled enough without adding to it. But how could she ever word it without it coming out differently than she meant. Would he even understand?

[Ethan Shepard]

The invitation to sit was a little awkward. It was as if the was stating the obvious but without so much as a reason behind it. After all, she had been avoiding him, not the other way around. Still, even then, he couldn't hold a grudge against her for it. She was not familiar with the world he lived in and he couldn't expect her to be either. He swallowed and nodded, taking a seat slowly, getting comfortable. The last time they had been in here was their meeting. At least, together at the same time anyways. As for her, she could have come here when he wasn't around though lately, it seemed as though she locked herself in the house until she had a real reason to leave. He stared at her from across the table as if waiting for an explanation. When none came, he took that chance to speak.

"So...I know you have been avoiding me.." he said softly. He put his hands up in defense and continued. "Before you freak out, I understand. That encounter a few weeks back scared you and I am kind of here because of that." he said softly. His eyes left her and went to his hands that rested on the table in front of him. "I think that you are right to stay away. It isn't fair of me to ask you to be a part of a world you aren't used to. I want you to be with me without fear and I honestly don't think that is possible in the life I live. Because every morning I wake up, I know that I could face anything that day that I am not used to, but to be honest, it isn't much different than your world either. You don't know if you could crash while driving a car, and you don't know that you can go jogging without fear of being taken by someone. But you do it out of faith and trust that things will be okay.."

He stared at her to make sure she was still with him. Sure, he was rambling, but he needed to get this out. She wasn't giving him much time to talk to her, so this was his chance. And if this was going to be one of their last meetings, he had to tell her this. "I love you Sarah. I do, ever since I first saw you at that table.." he said, glancing to a table away from them and then back to her. "But I don't want you to feel unsafe with me, because if you do, then I am not protecting you like I should. If you can't be with me, and if this is why you haven't spoken to me in weeks, I am not mad, but don't drag this on like this. I would rather know you are safe and be strangers than to be with you every second of the day and you be afraid to love me in return..."

He looked from his hands to her and back again. His mouth hung open for a second, as if he wanted to continue but he didn't know how. He wasn't sure where to go from there but he had to tell her the truth. If she couldn't be with him, she needed to tell him. It was easier than sitting home and thinking that it would end like that. He closed his mouth finally and swallowed, looking to her and waiting for her to either explain or accept. Either, he could live with. Maybe not easily, but he only wanted what was best for her.

[Sarah Falls]

The silence seemed to stretch on forever, neither apparently willing to be the first to break it. Sarah was still lost in her thoughts, shifting through each one trying to find a way to say what she needed to. She'd never been good with words, which is why dancing meant to much to her. It didn't require speaking, or even thinking really. Just movement. But as Ethan spoke finally breaking the silence, which was unbelievably awkward for once; Sarah couldn't help but shrink a little as he stated what she'd been doing. Because no matter how she tried to justify it, she had still been avoiding him; and the guilt just wouldn't let up. Even as he smoothed over the offensive truth, and explained that he understood. That was probably worst than any accusation. Him still trying to pacify her, even though he hadn't been the one to do anything wrong. Neither of them were really at fault.

But she certainly felt her shoulders literally sag with the weight of his words as he continued, her stomach tying itself into knots. She could feel herself shaking as realization sunk in, questions clouding her mind even more. Was he ending things? Was that what he thought she wanted? Naturally the fact that he could even consider that was what she wanted seemed ridiculous to Sarah; but then she had to stop and think. Could she blame him? Was he at fault for coming to such conclusions when she was steadily pushing him away? He was right in a sense, the truth smacking her in the face with the force of a bag of bricks. His world was dangerous. It probably would've been best for her to stay away. But it was like he said; their worlds weren't so different. And she knew that. Her heart knew... and to be honest even the thought of letting Ethan go terrified her beyond belief.

Her head swam all the more with so many emotions running through her. Fear, that cold feeling of screwing up really badly. Sadness... and the feeling of being the worlds biggest idiot, because Ethan's words shone like a light in a dark tunnel. Highlighting her path. This was why she felt the way she felt towards him... and he was so right. Where was her hope and faith? In those moments which seemed like years, maybe a millennium as he spoke Sarah felt like a television, with Ethan as the remote. Flipping through channels constantly, each emotion passing different and leaving her feeling a jumbled mess. But there were some she felt more strongly than others. Her love for Ethan which flared as he stated his own out loud. Foolishness for not trusting when it seemed so clear now, that the one person she should've trusted is Ethan. He was her truth.

Swallowing once again, Sarah tried to speak past the lump in her throat. "Ethan," Her voice came out croaky and all wrong, prompting her to clear it again. "Ethan. I don't want to end things." More clear on that than perhaps anything, Sarah shook her head. Tilting it to look towards him. "I have been avoiding you. But it's not like it's just you, it's everything and everyone." Taking a deep breath, she breathed out shakily. "I just... needed time to think. Cope with everything. And I didn't want to drag you into my problems because... that's just what they are. Mine. And I can't even..." Frowning, Sarah scowled. "How can I talk to you about things that I don't even understand myself? When I don't even know how I feel?" Softening her eyes, Sarah blinked. "And I know it wasn't fair to keep you in the dark, but I just didn't want to hurt you Ethan. I never meant to make you think that I don't love you too, or that I don't want this 'cause you're the only thing I do want."

Everything was laid out on the table, and Sarah almost cursed herself for being unable to properly explain things without rambling. Or just pouring everything out at once. But the only way she knew how to get through to Ethan was to literally spill out everything, and maybe it was just her lack of social skills. But if he wanted her he'd have to take her as she was. "I'm just... scared. Terrified. But not of you. It's not about you, okay?"

[Ethan Shepard]

Each and every word she spoke carved a mark in his heart. It continued to repeat in his mind, those words that meant the world to him. She wasn't afraid of him. She loved him too. She trusted him. But still, even with all of that and no matter how much he wanted to understand, he wasn't sure how he could. After all, she had practically admitted that everything had scared her. That she didn't want to drag him through her problems and that she didn't even know how she herself felt. How was he supposed to believe that she loved him when she didn't know what she was feeling? His mind was reeling now as he tried his best to understand what it was that she was saying but it was hard. He nodded a few times as she continued and looked down at his hands as silence overcame them again.

He had to respond. He couldn't leave her in the dark right now. If anything, that would only make things worse. He hadn't come here to hurt her feelings and she hadn't come here to end things. So why were they here? What was it that he was going to say or do because he had to fix this. There was the only option at this point. He moved his eyes up to hers, giving her a soft smile and letting the silence linger as his thoughts rolled out in his head and sorted themselves out. He was going to reply to her comments, but when he felt his mind had finally settled down. Seconds turned into a couple minutes and he played with his fingers, looking back down at the table. This was the hard part. Trying to understand. He had wanted answers so bad and now he got them. But even with those answers here in front of him, it was hard to figure out.

His eyes met her again, this time with something lying in them. Words, thoughts, feelings, expressions. He knew that this was it. "You say it is not me, and I believe it may not be." He paused and looked away before continuing. "But it is. Because I should be the last person you push away. I shouldn't be the one your avoiding, but I should be the person who is helping you avoid everyone else. If you don't know what to feel about everything you experienced, it is okay. But don't forget that I went through it too first hand...that I go through it each time I shift.." It was a little hard to say. Sure, he understood she was confused, but keeping him away wasn't helping anything, especially not him. He knew he had to give her time, but he had given her weeks. Now, it was getting hard.

"I want you to be comfortable with me Sarah. I don't want you to be terrified. But fact is, you holding me away is making it worse. Your problems are in fact my problems. I care about everything you do and feel. I want to only see a smile where I see fear...and I can't when you push me away. You handling my world on your own is going to get you either killed, or it will keep us from being together." It was harsh but true. In his life, if she didn't want to be a part of it, they wouldn't be together. He swallowed and sighed, running a hand through his hair, trying to figure all of this out. "It has been weeks since I have seen you. And it sucked every morning, waking up and texting you and getting nothing in reply. It sucked having your mom call and ask if you and I had plans and having to tell her I haven't talked to you in a while. That...honestly...hurts the most..."

[Sarah Falls]

Her heart just continued to shatter all the more, a cold ice creeping through her veins freezing her insides, as Ethan admitted that he in fact didn't understand. He was being honest with her as she was with him, that much could be said. But the conclusion he seemed to come to regarding her feelings towards him deepened the frown on her face. A feeling close to anger flaring up inside of her, that she tried to tame in an effort to keep this conversation from ending in more agony. But it was hard. She'd laid everything out on the table. He wanted answers, and she tried to give them but it still wasn't enough? Sure she'd admitted to herself and him that she hadn't made the best choice in avoiding him. But why couldn't he see it from her point of view? Couldn't he at least understand that maybe she was just trying to deal with things? Why did that have to mean that her feelings changed as far as he went? Because they hadn't.

Taking another deep breath Sarah shook her head again, her tone soft but surely not lacking in passion. This would prove to be perhaps the most important conversation they ever had. If either of them walked away with doubts who knew whether the damage would be repairable? "Ethan." Beginning much like she had at first, Sarah turned her gaze back to him so that he wouldn't be able to doubt her certainty. "I know I shouldn't have avoided you. And you're right... you are the last person I should've avoided. In the sense that we're in a relationship. Soulmates according to whatever... magic that's in your blood. But if you know that we're perfect for each other, don't you think I know the same thing? Don't you think I feel it?" Feeling her throat tighten with the intensity, Sarah set her jaw stubbornly determined for him to understand where she was coming from.

"So why would you doubt me?" Feeling somewhere inside of herself that was linked to him, that he was skeptical of how she felt, Sarah let out a heavy breath. "Of all the things I'm unsure of now and have ever been, the only clarity in my life has been the way I feel about you for a long time. And the fact that I hurt you, that I know I hurt you kills me inside Ethan. It kills me." Reaching up to push her hair out of her face, Sarah shrugged lightly to relieve some of the tension in her shoulders.

"I know you went through something like this when you first changed. I can imagine that it wasn't easy finding out you change into something other than human... but it's still different, Ethan. Because my first time finding out anything supernatural was when I was attacked. My life was in danger. Then the first time I find out that you can change into this huge wolf, is when I literally saw you jump over me and rip someone apart." Not holding back, Sarah continued with the harsh truth. They were both being honest here, and she would show that she deserved the benefit of the doubt.

"So give me some credit okay? Doesn't that fact that I'm still here, that I could still say I love you mean anything? Because I don't say what I don't mean. And I meant it when I said how I feel doesn't have anything to do with that, it's about learning how to cope. With my whole world changing, but still trying to act normal in front of my parents, when I'm home and when I'm at school. I'm sixteen Ethan. How am I really supposed to deal? Is there a proper way?"

Her cheeks were flushed red with all the emotions running rampaging through her. Anger. Guilt. Disbelief. Everything. Trying to keep his gaze, almost daring him to look away with more doubts Sarah could almost see this whole scene as if she'd slipped out of her body. Their eyes locked as fire flashed in her own, while confusion and desperation filled his green depths. Sarah was filled with the want to grab her hair and pull it out, and kiss him until every doubt left his mind at the same time. Trying to soften her gaze, Sarah shook her head.

"This hasn't been easy on anyone. Of course my parents are worried, but what can I really tell them? How can I approach a subject of my boyfriend being a wolf, and knowing things that shouldn't exist do? It sucks for you, but it sucks for me too when all I wanted to do was figure out things without worrying someone else and what I end up with is you doubting that I love you. It's like a knife in my chest Ethan, and I'm wondering if you know that you're hurting me as much as I'm hurting you."

Her limbs literally tingled, her fight of flights syndrome working overtime. She felt the need to run, but her feet were glued to the floor, an even bigger part of Sarah feeling the need to stay and sort this out.

[Ethan Shepard]

Ethan could feel the anger rising in him as she got defensive. There was no need! Sure, he understood her fear, but he lived it! He had been attacked by vampires more than once, and sure, it was different because she couldn't defend herself, but still. He looked away from her and sighed, rubbing his head in irritation as she continued. He knew she loved him, he could tell by the way she was saying it, but he just had a hard time hearing her speak of his world and of him himself like he was a monster. Like him ripping apart the vampire hadn't just saved her life. As if he was only trying to pull her into a fairy tale book and let her fend for herself. He looked up at her again, hands closed into fists before placing his elbows on the table and putting his head in his hands.

"I am not trying to hurt you...but you have to see how you make it sound. You make it like I can't deal with knowing how you feel about my world! It's like you want to keep me in the dark when I already live in it. I give you credit, but how much credit should I give!? How far backwards should I bend to make you see that I will never be normal. I will never be what you want because I will never be human." He looked up at her slowly and felt his heart being torn as he spoke. "You are scared, I know. But I can assure you, my world isn't changing. I live it every day and I know that if you don't want this life, tell me...because I want to be the person you count on to help you get used to it. But if you push me away, I can't..."

He looked away again and swallowed, trying his best to make sense of this. He wanted her in his world but couldn't make her see that he wanted to help and she was afraid to be in his world and wasn't sure what to think of him. To her, he wasn't the safe option. He was just another unknown. "I am not trying to hurt you Sarah...that is the last thing I want to do. But you say you don't want to worry me when I am already worrying. You say you don't want to involve me in the 'problem' but I am already involved. Because I am the worry...I am the problem...and if you shut me out, you won't ever fix it. You will just shut a door my world and we won't work..." He looked at her with soft eyes, his hands reaching forward and touching hers, hoping her anger would dissipate.

He ran his fingers over her skin slowly and looked around the library to see what others were doing. People had seemed to migrate to the front of the library and they were the only two back there now. He slowly stood and walked around the table to sit beside her. He sat down and looked at her, letting his eyes linger on her face before sliding his hand over her cheek and pulling her close, his lips slipping on hers gently. He let the kiss linger for just a moment before pulling away. His eyes remained closed as he just let the feeling of that moment last. It had been too long and he sighed, opening his eyes slowly. "I can't be away from you anymore Sarah...I can't. I want to give you time, and I am willing to give you some time, but not like that again. Because I can't sleep, eat, or do anything right until you are with me again...please. If you don't want me, the door is over there. One word, and I will leave you alone..." he said softly, hoping she wouldn't send him away. He needed her and he could only pray she still needed him.

[Sarah Falls]

Her first reaction as Ethan spoke was to get up and walk out through the same door he'd pointed out. She was on the defense, and it felt as if blame was just being tossed back and forth. One moment he was blaming her for shutting him out, and the next she was blaming him for expecting too much. In the wake of bitter feelings rising that felt as if she were being pushed into a corner, or given some ultimatum if she couldn't decide, the first solution seemed to be just to walk away. Maybe the heartache it would cause would be far less of a consequence than them both losing their sanity over the inability to see the others point of view. She was only human. Sarah couldn't stop the darker thoughts from rising, especially now in a time of fear and uncertainty. But as she sat rooted to the spot, there were deeper feelings than the fear and uncertainty. The will to fight for the sake of love. An understanding that they had to reach some sort of middle ground, through the frustration and anger.

Preparing herself for another heated speech, once again throwing everything on the line to try and make this okay again Sarah's words died on her lips as Ethan took her hands in his. The familiar warmth of lightly calloused fingers engulfing hers leaving her breathless. Because in spite of everything that warmth had the ability to melt the ice surrounding her. Trying to hold onto her anger in the effort to at least say what she felt needed to be said, Sarah knew she was fighting a loosing battle the moment Ethan stood and walked closer to her. His close proximity sending shivers down her spine, sending her heart into overdrive. When he touched her cheek she was done for, leaning into his touch without thought. Then his kiss... his kiss set every inch of her on fire. Consuming her in passionate flames.

She'd never wanted to be one of those girls who became jelly over their boyfriends, or a boneless mess. Sarah had always imagined it as silly, dangerous even giving someone so much power. But now here she was completely melting, fallen head over heels in love. Her thoughts seemed to slow down with the gentle weight of familiar lips, all the broken pieces of her life mending back together. It really wasn't fair that he could change her whole mood so easily, but then she didn't really mind.

The moment was cut shorter than she would've liked and Sarah found her eyes opening, unsure of when they'd even closed. Or her hand had come to grip Ethan's shirt in a loose grasp as if he were her only anchor. Unwilling to let go just yet, she drowned within the green of his eyes as she spoke. Unconsciously surrendering under their intensity, as he spoke. The lump in her throat wouldn't go away. Her hands shook against the fabric of his shirt, and Sarah could bet her last dollar she was literally shrinking. Her anger and defenses passing as soon as they'd come, leaving her with only an overwhelming sense of regret. Guilt. Because in front of her was someone she'd hurt. And that someone was the best thing that had ever happened to her. He deserved more.

Blinking rapidly, unaware of the tears slipping from her eyes Sarah tried to swallow the huge block in her throat. "I'm sorry, Ethan. I was... I'm just sorry, okay?" Breathing it out, Sarah looked away then moved forward to wind her arms around his neck, sagging against him. Holding him with everything she had, all she could do was try to keep her sobs to a minimum. What a mess things had become. She just wanted to fix it. "Please don't... don't leave me." Whispering brokenly, her body shivered trying to suppress her sobs. "Please."

[Ethan Shepard]

Ethan held Sarah close, staring into her eyes as he watched emotion after emotion run through her. It was as if she couldn't decide on which feeling to hold on to. But just as he wondered if she would change her mind, or even leave him behind and ask him to go away, [she reached out, tossing her arms around his neck and asked him to stay. At first, he was a bit taken back by it. He was sure she was angry with him, but the next few words out of her mouth changed his mind completely. He could feel her body shake as sobs emitted from her throat and as she tried her best to contain her sobs but she couldn't and he didn't mind at all.

He held her tightly, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her even closer to him. He ran a hand down her hair, hushing her gently as she cried, not wanting to argue anymore. It was killing him inside that he had caused this, he had truly caused her to come to tears. He sighed and closed his eyes, wishing none of this had happened. But it was up to him to make sure she felt comfortable enough to be with him. He would refrain from bringing her too close to the others until she could warm up to everything. What struck him more than anything was she had asked him to stay. She had ask him not to leave her, and that meant everything. He ran his hand gently over her face as he spoke. "I won't leave you...ever. I promise.." He knew he had to keep this promise more than anything. And he would make sure he would.


ooc: soooo sorry this is so short. forgive me.

[Sarah Falls]

If it were even possible Sarah could feel her arms tightening around Ethan as he spoke. The part of her that needed him more than anything else pushing her past her limitations. She could barely think of anything but Ethan at that moment. Keeping him close. Not losing him to something as stupid as pride, or the illusion of being in this alone. Because neither of them were alone, and it was something she had to keep reminding herself of. They were both in this together if they were going to work out. She didn't want to keep forgetting then end up right back here, or worse. Because for all Sarah knew she might really mess things up one day, and God forbid she wouldn't be able to undo it.

But for now she could allow herself to relax, riding on the wave of relief she felt at Ethan's promise. She could allow herself to trust that he meant what he said. Though things were far from okay or being healed completely, the first and hardest roadblock had been forgiveness. Forgiveness for the pain, suffering and anger. Brushing her nose along his neck as her body shook still with repressed sobs, Sarah was comforted by Ethan's familiar scent. There wasn't anywhere else she wanted to be right then. She couldn't even bring herself to pull away.

"Where do we go from here, Ethan?" Whispering, she spread her fingers along his back as if trying to touch every inch of him. "How do we fix this?"

[Ethan Shepard]

He could feel her arms tightening around her and he had nothing else on his mind but her. He wanted her to be okay. Okay with him and his world. It was enough for her to try to fit in his as it was for him to fit in hers. He squeezed her gently, letting her cry on his shoulder as he kept his eyes on the wall behind her, his mind easing, knowing she wanted this too. She wasn't willing to give him up and he knew that he would never be able to leave her behind. She was a major part of his life now and to take her away would put him in a terrible place. He wouldn't know how to function anymore and he knew he had to. For her sake. He sighed and let his hands grip her back before slowly rubbing slow circles, finally stopping at her sides as she whispered.

Her question sent shivers down his spine, causing his eyes to close as he searched inside his mind for the answer. He wanted to assure her they could go forward but he wasn't even sure right now. She needed space, he needed to know she was close. They couldn't have both, and neither of them was comfortable with the others choice. He felt his mind rattling in frustration as he tried his best to figure it out. After a few moments, he spoke gently, feeling her fingers spread on his bad and his fingers instinctively did the same, gripping her a bit more. "We just do what we can." he said softly before opening his eyes again and pulling away slowly. "You take the time you need and I will go back to the rez and we will just take it a day at a time. You can't expect me to understand your world anymore and I definitely can't ask you to try to understand mine...but we have to try.."

He swallowed, looking down at his hands that had gone from her waist to her hands now. "But as far as how we fix this, I don't think it was ever really broken. Not for me...just blurred..." he said with a half smile in hopes to see her own. He wanted nothing more than to see happiness in her eyes again. Her pain was his pain and there seemed to be too much of it.

[Sarah Falls]

As he pulled away Sarah fought the urge to pull him back. Right now she just wanted to be close to Ethan, whatever need for solitude she'd been experiencing seeming to make an exception for him. But then he was always the exception, wasn't he? A small voice in her mind reminded her. He was the exception to every rule she'd ever had, every doubt. Ethan was bound to be different in every shape and form. Concentrating on his hands holding hers, on the warmth that wrapped around her Sarah quietly listened to Ethan's words. They would do what they could. It seemed simple enough... but she wasn't satisfied with the answer. It was fair since she'd made it a point to avoid everyone, and it was sweet that he was willing to compromise. But in truth she felt a bit selfish. If he were willing to compromise then why shouldn't she be?

Sarah knew Ethan's intentions weren't to hurt her. She could feel it in her soul that he cared about her more than anyone had, maybe even more than she cared about herself, and she could say the same for him. She cared enough to meet him half way on this... cared too much to stand the thought of hurting him anymore. The small smile on his face that was basically meant to lift her spirits broke her heart, because he was still putting her before hisself. Looking up, Sarah shook her head.

"You don't have to..." Trying again, she took a deep breath then released it. "My biggest mistake was thinking that all I needed was myself. To figure things out on my own... and now I get that I-I need you with me Ethan." Clenching his hands tighter, Sarah shook her head. "My own thoughts could drive me crazy. I can't talk about this with anyone, I can't expect my family to understand and I've never had friends. All I have is you Ethan, and I realize now that it's enough. It's all I want.. just stay with me, okay?"

Allowing a ghost of a smile to pull at her lips, Sarah shrugged. "Maybe we could even run away for a little while together. So all we'd have to worry about is us, not this... supernatural stuff. Not family, and friends or responsibility just us." It was a thought far more appealing than it should've been, and unbelievably irresponsible. But Sarah would've dropped everything right there if he said yes.

[Ethan Shepard]

As she shook her head, he felt his heart lift slightly as she told him she needed him. That she wanted to be here and that she didn't want to handle it all on her own. To say it meant something to him was putting it extremely mildly. He felt a grin spread across his face as he stared at her, hapiness filling each and every part of him that once ached with hurt. He was so overcome with emotion and he felt himself let out a small laugh of contentment and relief as he pulled her back into his arms, hugging her. He held back tears that threatened to spill out if he wasn't careful and reached up, placing his hand on the back of her neck and placing a kiss firmly on her mouth. He let it linger for a moment before pulling away and speaking.

"I promise...I'll stay." he knew that so far, his promises had only gone so far. After all, she had been crying here only moment ago after he had promised to never hurt her. If it had gone any further, that promise would have been broken. But that was just it. It hadn't gone further, and he had willingly stopped it. He cared and he wasn't about to see it all break down before his eyes, everything they had built up between them. He loved her too much for that. He listened as she spoke again, slight shock in his eyes as he stared at her in disbelief. She wanted to run away. With him. Away from all of this mess, from Forks, from her family. She wanted to get away and clear her mind and honestly, it was the best idea he had heard all day.

He let his smile grow soft as he drew circled on her skin, his mind reeling. The idea was overly intriguing and he knew it was a perfect solution. After all, he could leave whenever and sure, her family would worry. Unless he told them he was taking her to his families place in the city. It wasn't the full truth, but it was something at least. He would figure that detail out later. Right now, he had to give her an answer. Her face showed her want and need to get away and the only way to give that to her was to answer her. "I think that is a great idea..." he said softly as he pulled her back to him, placing a kiss on her lips.